Little Things

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December 2010

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Top 10 Worst Retirement Planning Strategies

10. “Do something fascinating, then live off the proceeds from sperm donation.”
9. “Win Jeopardy.”
8. “Work at Wal-Mart.”
7. “Perform some feat of unnatural ridiculousness for which you will become famous in the ‘Guinness Book of World Records.’”
6. “Endear yourself to a wealthy patron.”
5. “Cross the street slowly so that someone eventually hits you with his car and you can sue for an immense sum in damages.”
‎4. “Work around asbestos, then sue your formal employer when diagnosed with lung cancer.”
3. “Participate in several drug trials until you begin suffering from bleeding bowels, seizures and all manner of awful things, then, yes darlings, sue.”
2. “Make millions as a day trader.”

And No. 1….

1. “Rely on social security.”


Dec 28, 2010
New Poetic Developments for Phill Provance

Dear Readers,

Well, so my reading at the studio of friend and painter Shelton Walsmith last month seems to have gone well, and Mark and I are trucking right along with sales. I’ll be sure to post a picture of the chap’s cover when Mark gets back from Spain and gets the details for The Day the Sun Rolled Out of the Sky up on the Cy Gist Press blog.

While we wait for that, (but only if you are part of my so far 424 person-strong “inner circle” on Facebook) you can view some pictures of me, Ben Fama and Natalie Lyalin reading at Yardmeter Editions Thirteen—plus some of Doug Campbell’s exhibited paintings—in my Facebook photo gallery.

If, on the other hand, you are not part of my Facebook friend list, you have two options: Add me (I will of course accept), or don’t and miss the pics. Also, you can check out some other new developments with the name “Phill Provance” stamped on them by visiting Arsenic Lobster, where my poem “Hard to Say” went up today in their 24th issue.

What’s more, you can read my bio (this time with the word “new” in it) on Danse Macabre magazine’s About Us page. Our 42nd issue, “Nussknacker,” has yet to appear, I’m afraid, likely due to the holidays, but when it does you will have a very long and, I hope, perceptive review of Mark Lamoureux’s Spectre. And, then, you can stop over at the Lantern Review and read some (possibly) nice things one of their editors said about “St. Petersburg Has Many Churches.”

Finally, if you are really feeling froggy and live in the New Jersey/NYC/Philadelphia area, you are invited to attend my next reading as a presenter for the River Read reading series. This upcoming event will take place on Jan. 9, 2011, at NovelTeas, which is located at 78 Bridge Avenue, Red Bank, N.J.  07701. You can find all this on the blog of host and poet John Petrolino.

As for me, I’ll be up at some undisclosed location in the Poconos skiing with my family till New Years. In between times I’ll also be taking intermittent breaks to watch more episodes of one of my all-time favorite Britcoms, Blackadder, whose unabridged, definitive DVD set my brother Mike got me for Christmas.

God, I love that show! I’m even watching the audio commentaries that come on the disks. And I almost never do that. What can I say, Rowan Atkinson (whom you probably know as Mr. Bean) is just the funniest man alive and decidedly on my “List of the 10 People I’d Like to Befriend If I Ever Do Anything Substantially Worthwhile.” If you have never seen Blackadder you’ve got to get this DVD set and catch up. Otherwise you’re a minger. 

Well, so, I suppose that’s all from me at the moment. But I did want to add one final note here because it seems people are getting my name wrong in several publications. So let me introduce myself: I am Phillip DeNune Provance, decedent of Mareen Duvall and a very distant relative of President Obama and President Truman, as well as Vice President Dick Cheney, actor Robert Duvall and Iraq War whistle blower Samuel Provance.

Professionally I am a writer, editor and poet and as such I choose to go by the name “Phill Provance”—which appellation I feel has a familiar and folksy ring to it. This is the nom de plume I gave myself while in college, but often the (presumable) oversight of presiding editors has caused spelling errors.

Therefore, if you find writing under the names “Phil Provance,” “Phill Provance,” “Phill Provence,” “Phil Provence,” “Phillip D. Provance,” “Phillip DeNune Provance” or any other unofficial, but likely variation it is definitely me. (Only one other “Phil Provance” has existed in the cyber age: A middle-age, distant relative who was a building contractor in Missouri and who sadly passed away recently.)

I hope that clears up any and all confusion you might have.;-)

-Phill Provance

P.S.: Sorry, Adam, I have no clue how to input a German esszet in Tumblr, but I did consider trying at least.:-)

Dec 27, 20101 note
#Shelton Walsmith #The Day the Sun Rolled Out of the Sky #chapbook #Cy Gist Press #Facebook photo #Yardmeter Editions #Ben Fama #Natalie Lyalin #Doug Campbell #Arsenic Lobster #poem #poetic #Nussknacker #Spectre #Mark Lamoureux #Hard to Say #Lantern Review #St. Petersburg Has Many Churches #New Jersey #NYC #Philadelphia #River Read #upcoming event #NovelTeas #poet #John Petrolino #Blackadder #Britcoms #Rowan Atkinson #Mr. Bean
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